Wednesday, January 25, 2012

When the Gloves Come Off

In every/any relationship, people will do some proverbial bare-knuckle fighting. You WILL win the argument at any cost. Your need to be right will outweigh all that wisdom and rationality have to offer.

I remember being so enraged during arguments that I would mentally realize that I was wrong, or the argument was over something petty, but insisted on being right/smarter/dominant. The intensity of an argument is equal to the garbage/lies/insecurities that Person A and B bring to the battle. The content of the battle could be small and silly, but when pride shows up, it gets plain dumb.

Knuckles aren't the only weapon used during these battles: spears, knives, scissors, darts, bricks, rocks, that all serve to injure the opponent. An argument over how to properly clean something in the house could end up in poisonous words that wound. How did we get to bringing up my past mistakes when we were only talking about how the bathroom should be cleaned?

Arguing and heated discussions are healthy for growing relationships. The line is crossed when the words are meant to wound: this is what we call sin. Why do I sin so much when I argue over anything/nothing? I'm glad you asked. My junk (unhealed mind and spiritual oppression/demonic) get triggered by innocent and innocuous comments that I may perceive as a knock on who I think I am. For example, my dad was a domineering man that would be right about everything and I would be wrong/submit. I made a subconscious vow to never be dominated by anyone ever again. I improperly applied this vow to all people that may disrespect me in any perceived manner. So, if Mindy were to say, "I dont't think what you did was right." That would trigger my disrespect issue and I would go into a rage that would get her under my control quickly with mind games and intimidation. Also, there are things I would say to Mindy that pushed her buttons and her past junk would come right into the present. So, not only do we get triggered while arguing, but we also know what buttons to push to get a rise out of someone. It's an evil//sinful tactic.

If you know of areas that your response/reaction is disproportionate to the circumstance, you can start asking yourself why it angers, or hurts you so much. Why would simple ideas and recommendations send you into a rage?

If you're interested in following the smoke trail back to the fire, let me know and I can provide some passistance.


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