Friday, January 27, 2012

The Savior Complex

I knew something was wrong early on in my family. I became horribly codependent to my family members, because I tried to fix them. I would try very hard to make sure each person was cared for/enabled. I spent so many years making fake peace and catering to dysfunction, I lost myself. I gave all my energy to "save" my family, I had no clue who I was.

To my dismay, my family continued to participate in destructive patterns and my efforts started to feel futile. I was beginning to realize that I couldn't "save" them. This realization caused much heart-ache and pain. I was just trying to help.

I then realized that through immaturity, I had been trying to do the Holy Spirit's job. I was also straining against God's gift of free will to all wo/man. No matter my extreme efforts, the person would choose for them self what they were going to do in every situation.

Ever wanted someone healed of any struggle they may have, more than them? I took emergency leave on a couple of occasions from the Marine Corps to attempt to save family members of drug addictions. I did not save them. My efforts changed nothing. They had free will. This is where I learned the prayer was the route to go for them. God, nor I, will violate someone's free will.

Are you trying to "save" someone? Trying to make them happier and nicer? Trying to place the broken pieces into place with your own hands?

Sorry to break it to ya, but you are severely codependent and delusional. You have good intentions, but it's not your job/place to save people. One of the hardest things I had to do with my family of origin was to create boundaries that would allow them to be responsible for themselves and no longer enable them or be a scapegoat for them. It's a tough road to walk, and true sadness will happen, but the freedom and peace comes from God.

Start asking yourself what friend or family member you're trying to save/codependent to: who takes all your energy and only causes you pain? Be careful to know the difference between helping and saving.

If you're interested in reading in private on codependency from a Christian perspective, I recommend "Love is a Choice." This book will change your life as I believe it is truly God-inspired:

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